The Driftwood Coffee Company recently made the terrible mistake of sending me a bag of coffee with a request for a review. Since I’m not really a foodie or much of a connoisseur of the finer things in life, I had to switch to one of my alternate personalities to pull off the task. The rest of today’s review was written by Hipster Dave and his hipster friends.
-David The Good
Hipster Dave Reviews “Midnight Drift” Coffee from the Driftwood Coffee Company
Coffee is the black, steaming blood of creativity.
And I am way into sustainable coffee that doesn’t rely on slaves in Japan and stuff, so when I got a chance to try some coffee that’s supposedly way good I went… YES BRING IT TO DADDY.
I’ve been drinking coffee since I was 13, back when I was playing Street Fighter II all day and watching MST3k all night. That was, of course, before I realized how totally sexist SFII was because of that one chick’s dress that would flip up when she kicked people around. Totes quit playing that, plus I broke the controller trying to look at her legs.
I sincerely apologize to all women right now, past present and future.
Anyhow, so I got this bag of coffee in the mail and it was sitting in my office still in the box and I went, whoa, man, this whole office smells like the Sahara or wherever it is they grow awesome coffee. I mean, like – it was soul-shaking aroma therapy and really got into my headspace.
So I have this grinder and a French press so I just totally made myself some and wow, just wow. It’s good and sweet and not bitter and almost made up for the fact that my man Sanders got beat by Clinton the establishment tool in the SC primary (but not quite).
So here’s an artsy thing I kind of threw together on my favorite Mac of me making some Driftwood Coffee Company coffee and being #authentic:
Back in the day I was totes gonna write for Rolling Stone or whatever because I loved Thompson, that guy was real. I didn’t actually read his stuff but I watched the movie and the woman with the moray eel neck and the dirt racing made me go, “yeah, I’m gonna travel like that one day and do journalism” except not with all the drugs. Maybe a few drugs but not ether and pineal gland juice. #nevergonnadothoseweirddrugs.
So because I was thinking on the journalism track and how we’re so disconnected and the coffee was so good I thought about how this new Matrix of connectedness really interrelates people and that I should get my friends to pitch in and share the coffee love so I gathered up some really cool folks and just went, “hey, give me your thoughts on this Driftwood Coffee Company coffee those cats sent me.”
I painstakingly crafted multiple pots of coffee in my French press (#love!) passed it around, then asked these beautiful people to give me their impressions. All the quotes are 100% real, as are the people and the coffee… would I lead you astray? No, you know I wouldn’t.
Allen The Scot
“Tastes like Folgers. That’s not bad, I like Folger’s. Doesn’t taste like a volcanic island coffee. Great scent, not overly bitter on the back of the palate.”
“It was delicate yet strong, intense but light, I enjoyed it but I hated it. Would recommend.”
“It was awesome. No bitter taste.”
“It’s extremely smooth. Earthy, a little fruity, and just absolutely delicious. It really is. I would buy this in a heartbeat – as a matter of fact, I’d like to know how much this is.”
“An extremely long finish. Is it tea or coffee?”
“It’s fruity. It’s very fruity.”
Rachel My Sister
“Smooth, very balanced flavor. Zero bitterness. That’s why I drink my coffee black. I know right away.”
“It tastes good to me, though I put a lot of cream in it. Maybe I’m tasting the cream. I shouldn’t have done that. So the next day I drank it black and it was good. I never drink my coffee black because it’s too bitter. I could do this one. Also, that’s a terrible photo you took. Why do you love your sister more than me?”
“I just smoke so much my palate is dead.”
My crew was really into this coffee, lots of them took seconds, and we also ate this really great gluten-free cake with it and that chocolate/pecan/coffee thing together was wow. I actually saw Melanie take Tim’s mug away and drink his coffee, so that’s some seriously good stuff if my people can be trusted, which they can, because they’re the most authentic group you’re gonna meet, which you probably won’t because you’re not nearly in the rad circles where I run, just saying. And really, even with how amazing they are I’m even more so and even more authentic, and you guys are just lucky, lucky, lucky I’m gonna tell you what I think.
The first thing that gave me “woo” about this coffee was that it was made in the country of South America because I’m just way into that Latin culture and the samba music and Ravi Shankar so getting beans with some culture in them = WIN in my book.
I would totally culturally appropriate the ever-lovin’ donkey-riding cowboy Spanish guy hauling bags of rich creativity down a mountain out of these beans, man.
The second thing is just how totes good it smells and tastes, making me want to free verse some mad lines with every sip of:
dark and rich
earth mother bounty cup
full of creativity blood
hot and steamy
crumbling crushed hot water leached
I’d drink this coffee every day if I could afford it; in fact, I may set up a Patreon account so I can do just that… way better than most I’ve seen and for a good cause, you know?
You can taste the rich fruitiness of the beans, and as my crew said, the Midnight Drift blend from the Driftwood Coffee Company is great coffee without any bitter to harsh your mellow. Chef Ray in particular was quite impressed and he’s a Blue Mountain Coffee sort of a guy who has spent a fortune buying the very best beans, back when I was still working on my record label and drinking cheap instant mixed with raw milk kefir for a pro-biotic buzz.
This coffee gets 5 out of 5 beans in my sustainably bound moleskin review book, like the girl from Street Fighter II, who I’m gonna show you now but without revealing her legs so you can’t objectify her:
This is good coffee indeed, wayfarers, and you can find it on the Driftwood Coffee Company website here, fresh-roasted to order.